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Baffled by body language?

Psst� want the inside scoop on how to suss out if someone has a crush on you, breed some feel-good vibes on a date, or even figure out whether that cute person sitting across from you is dying for a kiss? Believe it or not, the answers to all these questions and more can be found in the mysterious science of body language.

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Is he only interested in sex?

The guy you just met is a real catch: Smart, funny, handsome� and totally available! You really like him, and based on all the sweet things he tells you, you�re pretty sure he likes you, too. Still, it�s no secret that some of us guys, at certain points in our lives, are more interested in seeing you naked than getting to know you. That�s fine if you feel the same way, but if it�s a relationship you want, you�re better off arming yourself with some dead-on detection skills. At the risk of foiling many a cad�s attempts to love �em and leave �em, I�ve spilled some of their most telltale tactics below. Spot these behaviors, and alarm bells should go off�and you may want to consider moving on to a guy who�s more interested in sticking around.

Dating & Mating Rituals�Decoded

When it comes to flirting in the hopes of finding The One, what works? The direct approach, �Hey, I couldn�t help but notice your beautiful eyes?� Subtle glances? Playing hard to get? These were among my questions as I headed out on a field trip with Dr. Helen Fisher, a professor of anthropology at Rutgers University, and the author of Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. Dr. Fisher has devoted her career to understanding human mating rituals�and her knowledge applies perfectly, she says, to today�s pickup scene. �Even in this modern age, humans adhere to courtship strategies that are as old as the hills, and used throughout the animal kingdom,� adds Fisher. And that�s why she and I headed out for a night of café- and bar-hopping, to observe what works (and what doesn�t) when it comes to mingling and the human mating call. Six hours, two coffee shops, and one (or was it two?) bars later, we had some interesting findings. Come along with us as we make the rounds�and learn!

Destination #1: The classic coffee bar for flirting how-to�s Our first stop: Starbucks. To me, the woman in the green shirt is sipping a cappuccino and catching up with friends. But in Helen Fisher�s eyes, something much more primordial is happening: The woman in green is on the hunt, and has already staked out her quarry�a tall man in a blue-checkered button-down sitting next to her.

�See how her body�s twisted toward him in the �crouch� position, with her hands near her face when she laughs?� Fisher whispers to me as she sips her chai latte. �It�s the �broken wing� tactic. She�s sending a subtle signal his way that says, �protect me.� Men love that.�

Indeed, Fisher says that secret signals of sexual attraction are at work whenever people mingle. The way you sit down with your cappuccino or Corona begins the courtship dance. �The first thing all animals do when attempting to find a mate is to set up their territory,� says Fisher. People who place laptops on their table or their coat and bags on a chair next to them, she explains, are attempting to carve out a perimeter so they can proceed to the next stage of courtship: attracting attention.

�Notice how that guy�s stirring his drink with his entire arm?� Fisher points out. �He�d never bother to do that at home.� The man then casually stretches his arms back in a gesture Fisher calls the �chest thrust,� to appear as large and formidable as possible. �Pretty much all courtship postures fall into two categories: attempts to look big and attempts to look little,� she explains. Traditionally, men generally try to look big, or �loom,� while women try to look small, or �crouch.� The direction someone�s feet are pointing can also convey interest: Smitten women turn pigeon-toed; men pivot outward. �Feet can be a real giveaway,� says Helen. �People are quite conscious of their body and hands, but forget to control their feet.�

So, how do hopeful singles transition from a �loom� or �crouch� to an actual pounce? For women, Fisher suggests trying the tried-and-true �five-part flirt.� �You catch someone�s eye, cock your head to the side, raise your eyebrows, look down, then away,� she explains, adding that women are usually more socially adept than men and thus better at initiating courtship. But at some point, she observes, a transfer must happen: In other words, the man has to pick up the ball and make his move.

Destination #2: A quirkier coffee bar for connection lessons Dr. Fisher and I decide to move along to a coffee bar with more of a lounge-around atmosphere. Here, we observed some more mating rituals: �See those two girls over there? I think they want to be picked up,� Dr. Fisher says, nodding toward two bubbly twenty-somethings in cool, dressed-down clothes and knit caps, who are sitting in the corner of Grey Dog�s Coffee. While hardly dressed to impress, the two young women are nonetheless employing a different courtship strategy called �handicapping.� �They�re saying, �I�m so cool I don�t have to show off,�� Dr. Fisher explains.

While four men seated nearby can�t help but notice the two giggly girls, no one works up the guts to break the ice, and their reluctance is understandable: After all, what can you say to a complete stranger that won�t come off as corny? Fisher suggests trying questions (�Excuse me, do you know a good place around here to grab dinner?�) and compliments (�That�s a great laptop case. Where�d you get it?�) since both require a response and get you engaged in the next stage of courtship: �grooming talk.� �It�s called �grooming talk� because it really doesn�t matter what you say,� Fisher says simply. �If someone�s interested in you, they�ll keep talking.�

As the conversation heats up, a behavior called �mirroring� can kick in, says Dr. Fisher, furthering the connection. When mirroring, couples sip their coffee or cross their legs in unison, subtly mimicking each other�s movements. �It�s a very powerful way to develop rapport, since it actually helps your brain waves get in synch,� Dr. Fisher explains.

Singles should also keep an eye out for �intention gestures.� �Basically that means the other person wants to touch you, but since she's not sure if you�re receptive, she'll rub her own arm or leg,� says Fisher.

We notice a couple in the corner, plying one another with forkfuls of cake. This is more mating in action, says Dr. Fisher. To further forge a bond, couples may engage in �courtship feeding��each offering the other a sip of tea or a bite of his or her food. �Nuptial gifts of food are common among many animal species,� Dr. Fisher notes. �When a male chimpanzee offers a female a piece of sugar cane, she�ll copulate with him and then eat the sugar cane. Humans don�t move that quickly, but we all know there�s no such thing as a free lunch!�

While both men and women respond similarly to many courtship cues, one area where they�re wired very differently is eye contact. To prove her point, Fisher gestures towards a man who�s moved his chair so he can sit next to a woman rather than across from her. �That�s because while women gain intimacy from face-to-face interactions, men would rather avoid it�they find it uncomfortable, even invasive,� she explains. The reason for this dates back to the dawn of mankind, when males were forced to face their enemies, but sat side by side with their friends. It�s also why, these days, men love nothing more than sitting at a bar with their buddies watching the Rams vs. the Redskins, while women love nothing more than staring into their amour�s eyes over a candlelit dinner. �When couples fight over these types of differences, they�re also fighting millions of years of evolution,� Dr. Fisher explains. �Men and women are fundamentally different in many ways, and nothing�s going to change that overnight.�

Destination #3: A busy bar on Friday night for the laws of mating We decide to see how the courtship dance looks when in a more �intense� pick-up environment�a bar called Peep. As we sit down, Dr. Fisher points out that clearly, the couple sitting next to us is in love. They�re mirroring each other�s movements, �courtship feeding� off each other�s cocktails, and displaying other tell-tale signs of a honeymoon period. Even so, their mating dance is far from over, says Dr. Fisher. At this point, keeping the person they�ve got, or �mate guarding,� becomes a priority, and this pair illustrates this principal perfectly. �Now, normally the man would offer the woman the seat against the wall to signal he�s protecting her,� says Dr. Fisher. �But in this case, he�s in the back seat and she�s sitting facing him with her back to the room. It could be due to what she�s wearing.� The clothes in question? A camisole with a plunging neckline that, had the woman been seated facing the crowd, would have probably had every guy in the vicinity eyeing her. �By dressing that way, she�s asking to be mate guarded,� Dr. Fisher explains. �And maybe that�s why he took the back seat: so she attracts less attention.� Such displays of possessiveness are hardly unnecessary or �Neanderthal,� as some people might put it. One recent study found that 60 percent of men and 53 percent of women admitted to �mate poaching,� a practice of stealing partners who are already taken. While it�s distressing to think that someone we love could be so easily ensnared by new prospects, Dr. Fisher points out that a little competition also pushes us to become more caring, attentive, and in short, better mates.

In fact, as we look across the bar, we see this principle in action: A woman in a slinky tank top, jeans, and stilettos who�s flirting with two men. �She�s giving them equal attention,� Dr. Fisher notes. �Since she obviously hasn�t made up her mind which one she likes, both of those men are working really hard.� We head home before finding out which man, if either, wins in the end. But it gets me wondering: Does courtship really boil down to winners and losers? Is the game of love really that cutthroat rather than warm and fuzzy? �The game of love is not nice,� Dr. Fisher says, �but then again, you�re playing for the biggest stakes in town. Nothing is so important.� And after listening to Dr. Fisher call the play-by-play on our night out on the town, I feel like my skills are definitely ready for the high-stakes game of romance.

First Dates: Dos and Don�ts To Create Chemistry

Tonight is the night: You�ve dressed in your finest, popped a breath mint, and are headed off to meet someone who could be The One. Few moments are as pivotal as this initial rendezvous, and that holds true whether you met online, were set up through friends, or swapped numbers at a bar last Saturday. So: How do you get that all-necessary chemistry crackling between you as quickly as possible? Believe it or not, it�s not all up to fate. Anthropologists, body language experts, and other pros say there are plenty of strategies you can use to help your date relax, to build rapport, and even to instill a flutter of excitement. Try these tactics for a few instant sparks.

Tip #1: Plan an activity that�ll get your heart racing�literally There�s a reason scary movies make for great dates other than the excuse to squeeze someone�s hand: Frightening experiences get your pulse racing, adrenaline flowing, your face flushed�and these physiological responses bear a striking resemblance to sexual arousal. "The mind mistakes any sort of arousal for sexual attraction, and will attribute this excitement to whomever you're with," says David Givens, Ph.D., an anthropologist at the Center for Nonverbal Studies. �In fact, in one study where men met women on a bridge high above rushing water, subjects were more attracted to each other than those who met elsewhere.� Not that we�re recommending you meet there exactly�roller-coaster rides or a hike up a steep woodland trail should do the trick. Even the sweat you work up while eating spicy food can get you hot under the collar for each other, so consider suggesting Mexican or Thai for dinner.

Tip #2: Mirror, mirror�your date Want to convince the person sitting across from you that you two are totally on the same wavelength? Easy�just make a point of subtly mimicking their body position and the pacing of their movements, recommends Jay Arthur, author of Attracting Romance. "Sit the way your date is sitting, tilt your head the way he or she does, talk at the same speeds,� he suggests. On a subconscious level, people find similarity comforting, which paves the way for a stronger connection.

Tip #3: Dwell on pleasurable experiences Sure, engaging your date in a lively debate about the pros and cons of the Patriot Act may be intellectually stimulating, but an intimate conversation isn�t about impressing someone with your smarts: It�s about getting your date to tap into his or her sensual side. So, steer clear of topics that involve facts and figures and get your honey mulling over more pleasurable thoughts instead. Questions like �Do you have any summertime vacations planned?� or �What would you say is the best meal you�ve ever had in this neighborhood?� will easily get you both in a better frame of mind to bond. "Talking about awe-inspiring experiences and the attached emotions � seeing the Grand Canyon, for instance � lets you relive them," explains Givens. �People get hyped up talking about something that excites them, and that emotion gets transferred to the person they�re with.�

Tip #4: Master your eye movements Staring into someone�s eyes: It�s the oldest rule in the book. It indicates that you're confident, honest, and interested in this person�all of which can make a date�s heart skip a beat. And yet, it can be hard for daters to do this move with finesse. Don�t worry, no one�s asking you to engage in a staring contest. In the world of eye contact, less is more. "Don't immediately look away when feeling awkward,� says Laurie Puhn, J.D., author of Instant Persuasion: How to Change Your Words to Change Your Life. �Hold your date's gaze for one extra second�that's all you need to do.� If you�re having trouble, try shifting your attention to their eyebrows instead; it�s close enough that your date will still feel like you�re focused on him or her. Next, try this advanced technique: Let your gaze occasionally �dance� from one of your date�s eyes to the other, back and forth, which conveys excitement and creates a flirtatious mood.

Tip #5: Don't feel compelled to get touchy-feely Eventually, if all goes well, physical contact�hand-holding, hugging, kissing, and much racier stuff�will naturally happen and will cement a bond between you. But at this early stage, all too often it can backfire. If your date isn�t ready for contact yet�either stiffening when you move in or turning the dreaded cheek when you go for a kiss�it can be hard to recover your composure and the date�s good vibes. The key is to let your date know you�re �in like� but not push too hard on the physical front. Your best bet for your first encounter is something sweet but not gropey. If a handshake�s your style, put a cozy twist on it by clasping your date�s palm in one hand and putting your other hand on top, warmly encircling their wrist. Or, try a seamless handshake-to-hug combo by grasping your date�s hand, pulling him or her slightly toward you and encircling your other arm around your date�s torso. To further cut the tension, say something like, �I had such a great time and am so glad we did this.� And unless you�re getting clear signs your date�s dying to be kissed�as in, he or she remains in your personal space with a smile and lots of direct eye contact�resist the urge to plant one on the lips or even the cheek. Don�t worry, there will be plenty of time for that later. And hey, you�re always better off leaving your date with something to look forward to.

Dealing with loneliness

7 ways to woo her by email

You've spotted her. Only this time, it's not from across the room � it's from in front of your keyboard. You may have found Ms. Right online.

11 things women want to see in your profile

Let's face facts, guys: When it comes to knowing what women want, a good-sized percentage of the time, we're pretty dense. But when it comes to online dating, our density levels enter the red zone � mainly because we have no idea how our material is going over. We have no visual or audio clues. We don't know if the words we wrote are making her laugh or groan.

Marriage Morning by Alfred Lord Tennyson

Marriage Morning Light, so low upon earth, You send a flash to the sun. Here is the golden close of love,
All my wooing is done. Oh, the woods and the meadows, Woods where we hid from the wet, Stiles where we stay'd to be kind, Meadows in which we met!

Light, so low in the vale
You flash and lighten afar,
For this is the golden morning of love,
And you are his morning start.
Flash, I am coming, I come,
By meadow and stile and wood,
Oh, lighten into my eyes and heart,
Into my heart and my blood!

Heart, are you great enough
For a love that never tires?
O' heart, are you great enough for love?
I have heard of thorns and briers,
Over the meadow and stiles,
Over the world to the end of it
Flash for a million miles.

How Do I Love Thee? by E. Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,--I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!--and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.