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Dating Tips: Baffled by body language?

All about LovePsst
 want the inside scoop on how to suss out if someone has a crush on you, breed some feel-good vibes on a date, or even figure out whether that cute person sitting across from you is dying for a kiss? Believe it or not, the answers to all these questions and more can be found in the mysterious science of body language.
  
Posted by    on Tuesday, March 18 @ 14:32:18 CDT
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Dating Tips: Dating & Mating Rituals
Decoded

All about LoveWhen it comes to flirting in the hopes of finding The One, what works? The direct approach, “Hey, I couldn’t help but notice your beautiful eyes?” Subtle glances? Playing hard to get? These were among my questions as I headed out on a field trip with Dr. Helen Fisher, a professor of anthropology at Rutgers University, and the author of Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. Dr. Fisher has devoted her career to understanding human mating rituals—and her knowledge applies perfectly, she says, to today’s pickup scene. “Even in this modern age, humans adhere to courtship strategies that are as old as the hills, and used throughout the animal kingdom,” adds Fisher. And that’s why she and I headed out for a night of cafĂ©- and bar-hopping, to observe what works (and what doesn’t) when it comes to mingling and the human mating call. Six hours, two coffee shops, and one (or was it two?) bars later, we had some interesting findings. Come along with us as we make the rounds—and learn!

Destination #1: The classic coffee bar for flirting how-to’s Our first stop: Starbucks. To me, the woman in the green shirt is sipping a cappuccino and catching up with friends. But in Helen Fisher’s eyes, something much more primordial is happening: The woman in green is on the hunt, and has already staked out her quarry—a tall man in a blue-checkered button-down sitting next to her.

“See how her body’s twisted toward him in the ‘crouch’ position, with her hands near her face when she laughs?” Fisher whispers to me as she sips her chai latte. “It’s the ‘broken wing’ tactic. She’s sending a subtle signal his way that says, ‘protect me.’ Men love that.”

Indeed, Fisher says that secret signals of sexual attraction are at work whenever people mingle. The way you sit down with your cappuccino or Corona begins the courtship dance. “The first thing all animals do when attempting to find a mate is to set up their territory,” says Fisher. People who place laptops on their table or their coat and bags on a chair next to them, she explains, are attempting to carve out a perimeter so they can proceed to the next stage of courtship: attracting attention.

“Notice how that guy’s stirring his drink with his entire arm?” Fisher points out. “He’d never bother to do that at home.” The man then casually stretches his arms back in a gesture Fisher calls the ‘chest thrust,’ to appear as large and formidable as possible. “Pretty much all courtship postures fall into two categories: attempts to look big and attempts to look little,” she explains. Traditionally, men generally try to look big, or ‘loom,’ while women try to look small, or ‘crouch.’ The direction someone’s feet are pointing can also convey interest: Smitten women turn pigeon-toed; men pivot outward. “Feet can be a real giveaway,” says Helen. “People are quite conscious of their body and hands, but forget to control their feet.”

So, how do hopeful singles transition from a ‘loom’ or ‘crouch’ to an actual pounce? For women, Fisher suggests trying the tried-and-true ‘five-part flirt.’ “You catch someone’s eye, cock your head to the side, raise your eyebrows, look down, then away,” she explains, adding that women are usually more socially adept than men and thus better at initiating courtship. But at some point, she observes, a transfer must happen: In other words, the man has to pick up the ball and make his move.

Destination #2: A quirkier coffee bar for connection lessons Dr. Fisher and I decide to move along to a coffee bar with more of a lounge-around atmosphere. Here, we observed some more mating rituals: “See those two girls over there? I think they want to be picked up,” Dr. Fisher says, nodding toward two bubbly twenty-somethings in cool, dressed-down clothes and knit caps, who are sitting in the corner of Grey Dog’s Coffee. While hardly dressed to impress, the two young women are nonetheless employing a different courtship strategy called “handicapping.” “They’re saying, ‘I’m so cool I don’t have to show off,’” Dr. Fisher explains.

While four men seated nearby can’t help but notice the two giggly girls, no one works up the guts to break the ice, and their reluctance is understandable: After all, what can you say to a complete stranger that won’t come off as corny? Fisher suggests trying questions (“Excuse me, do you know a good place around here to grab dinner?”) and compliments (“That’s a great laptop case. Where’d you get it?”) since both require a response and get you engaged in the next stage of courtship: ‘grooming talk.’ “It’s called ‘grooming talk’ because it really doesn’t matter what you say,” Fisher says simply. “If someone’s interested in you, they’ll keep talking.”

As the conversation heats up, a behavior called “mirroring” can kick in, says Dr. Fisher, furthering the connection. When mirroring, couples sip their coffee or cross their legs in unison, subtly mimicking each other’s movements. “It’s a very powerful way to develop rapport, since it actually helps your brain waves get in synch,” Dr. Fisher explains.

Singles should also keep an eye out for ‘intention gestures.’ “Basically that means the other person wants to touch you, but since she's not sure if you’re receptive, she'll rub her own arm or leg,” says Fisher.

We notice a couple in the corner, plying one another with forkfuls of cake. This is more mating in action, says Dr. Fisher. To further forge a bond, couples may engage in ‘courtship feeding’—each offering the other a sip of tea or a bite of his or her food. “Nuptial gifts of food are common among many animal species,” Dr. Fisher notes. “When a male chimpanzee offers a female a piece of sugar cane, she’ll copulate with him and then eat the sugar cane. Humans don’t move that quickly, but we all know there’s no such thing as a free lunch!”

While both men and women respond similarly to many courtship cues, one area where they’re wired very differently is eye contact. To prove her point, Fisher gestures towards a man who’s moved his chair so he can sit next to a woman rather than across from her. “That’s because while women gain intimacy from face-to-face interactions, men would rather avoid it—they find it uncomfortable, even invasive,” she explains. The reason for this dates back to the dawn of mankind, when males were forced to face their enemies, but sat side by side with their friends. It’s also why, these days, men love nothing more than sitting at a bar with their buddies watching the Rams vs. the Redskins, while women love nothing more than staring into their amour’s eyes over a candlelit dinner. “When couples fight over these types of differences, they’re also fighting millions of years of evolution,” Dr. Fisher explains. “Men and women are fundamentally different in many ways, and nothing’s going to change that overnight.”

Destination #3: A busy bar on Friday night for the laws of mating We decide to see how the courtship dance looks when in a more ‘intense’ pick-up environment—a bar called Peep. As we sit down, Dr. Fisher points out that clearly, the couple sitting next to us is in love. They’re mirroring each other’s movements, ‘courtship feeding’ off each other’s cocktails, and displaying other tell-tale signs of a honeymoon period. Even so, their mating dance is far from over, says Dr. Fisher. At this point, keeping the person they’ve got, or ‘mate guarding,’ becomes a priority, and this pair illustrates this principal perfectly. “Now, normally the man would offer the woman the seat against the wall to signal he’s protecting her,” says Dr. Fisher. “But in this case, he’s in the back seat and she’s sitting facing him with her back to the room. It could be due to what she’s wearing.” The clothes in question? A camisole with a plunging neckline that, had the woman been seated facing the crowd, would have probably had every guy in the vicinity eyeing her. “By dressing that way, she’s asking to be mate guarded,” Dr. Fisher explains. “And maybe that’s why he took the back seat: so she attracts less attention.” Such displays of possessiveness are hardly unnecessary or “Neanderthal,” as some people might put it. One recent study found that 60 percent of men and 53 percent of women admitted to ‘mate poaching,’ a practice of stealing partners who are already taken. While it’s distressing to think that someone we love could be so easily ensnared by new prospects, Dr. Fisher points out that a little competition also pushes us to become more caring, attentive, and in short, better mates.

In fact, as we look across the bar, we see this principle in action: A woman in a slinky tank top, jeans, and stilettos who’s flirting with two men. “She’s giving them equal attention,” Dr. Fisher notes. “Since she obviously hasn’t made up her mind which one she likes, both of those men are working really hard.” We head home before finding out which man, if either, wins in the end. But it gets me wondering: Does courtship really boil down to winners and losers? Is the game of love really that cutthroat rather than warm and fuzzy? “The game of love is not nice,” Dr. Fisher says, “but then again, you’re playing for the biggest stakes in town. Nothing is so important.” And after listening to Dr. Fisher call the play-by-play on our night out on the town, I feel like my skills are definitely ready for the high-stakes game of romance.
  
Posted by    on Tuesday, April 03 @ 08:13:14 CDT
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: Future a world of virtual romance

All about LoveAll_About_Love writes "The prospect of a world without romance, in which relationships between people give way to liaisons with computer-generated cyber-dates, has been advanced by Britain's best-known female scientist."
  
Posted by    on Saturday, January 01 @ 00:00:00 CST
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: Men and women are positioned against one

All about LoveLullaby writes "Learn the 6 secrets to attaining romance in your relationship:
There is no such thing as natural romance.
Romance is important.
Everyone likes to be 'romanced'.
You need to find the romance that is right for your relationship.
Being romantic doesn't mean 'going it alone'.
It doesn't take a lot of time, effort and money to be romantic. "
  
Posted by    on Saturday, January 01 @ 00:00:00 CST
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Dating Tips: 15 Hot Ideas for Phenomenal sexual Intimacy!

All about LoveLullaby writes "The inside joke with women? No man is worth bedding until he hits twenty-seven, unless she is willing to train him and spend a lot of time with batteries.
"
  
Posted by    on Saturday, January 01 @ 00:00:00 CST
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Dating Tips: Surviving the emotional crash of an affair

All about LoveLullaby writes "In the book, After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful, Janis Abrahms Spring says: "Trust can be restored and the relationship saved if three things exist:"
  
Posted by    on Saturday, January 01 @ 00:00:00 CST
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Dating Tips: Are You in a Loving Relationship

All about LoveLoveMagic writes "People confuse excitement with love, falling in love with being in love, being in love with experiencing love, desiring love and being loving, being loving and having love. None of these pairs are equations - in other words, you can have excitement without love and you can fall in love without ever being in love. "
  
Posted by    on Saturday, January 01 @ 00:00:00 CST
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: Why Nice Guys

All about LoveLoveMagic writes "I’m a really easygoing guy, but my relationships tend to be with girls who turn out to be the “B” word that rhymes with witches. I don’t know why I’m attracted to them and not attracted to easygoing girls. What do you think is going on with me?

TOO NICE
"
  
Posted by    on Saturday, January 01 @ 00:00:00 CST
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Dating Tips: Inter-Faith Relationship:

All about LoveI am Muslim and the guy I love is a Christian and a very religious one. Our love started out as friendship and then became LOVE. I know I love him more than he loves me and I am ever ready to do anything for him. We want to marry and we both can't live without each other. We have made all sorts of plans about the future and I know if I couldn't marry him I will forever stay single... the problem is: when we decided to marry, the problem of religion arose and I am unable to change mine. He said he would 5 months ago, but yesterday he said he couldn't carry on with the guilt of the lie that he had accepted Islam. He said he lied to me just to save his love... now he says, "we can stay in our own religions and will marry". Today he changed his statement and said "living in our own religions will be too darn difficult, coz it will badly hurt our children."
  
Posted by    on Saturday, January 01 @ 00:00:00 CST
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Dating Tips: Workplace Romance

All about LoveLet me first explain my situation which is quite unique...I have been married for quite a few years and my husband has in no uncertain terms, and over the course of our marriage, hinted that he is gay (I had had the feeling that was the case from the time we first met-although he has never been with another man and has never officially come ""out of the closet""). We do have children and that is the main reason I stay in the relationship. We do care for each other very much, but since about 3 years ago, it has been a celibate relationship.
  
Posted by    on Saturday, January 01 @ 00:00:00 CST
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Dating Tips: Online Dating & Relationships

All about Love Instant messaging and e-mails are replacing love letters. Instead of meeting prospects in singles bars or at parties, many people are pursuing the dating game online. Are there any drawbacks to meeting a future mate this way?
  
Posted by    on Tuesday, December 21 @ 09:54:47 CST
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Dating Tips: How To Find Love on the Internet

All about LoveI will break this down into easy steps, that have proven highly effective for me. You may have to change a few variables, according to your own tastes.
  
Posted by    on Tuesday, December 21 @ 09:51:57 CST
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Dating Tips: Onlinelove Ideas

All about Love

Being in an online long distance relationship can be quite strainful. To keep the spark alive I've jotted down some very useful enjoyable online and offline ideas.
  
Posted by    on Tuesday, December 21 @ 09:47:35 CST
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Dating Tips: The L WORD

All about LoveSometimes it just slips out. And anyway, someone has to be the first one to say “I love you.” Oh, but the horror of saying it and not getting a response! How is one to handle that situation?

“You laugh and say you were only joking,” suggested one woman I asked. She really was not joking when she offered that juvenile but somewhat appealing piece of advice. She understood that in the scheme of all disastrous relationship moments, the unrequited “I love you” was among the worst, capable of sending even the most together, confident person, crawling under the bed.
  
Posted by    on Sunday, October 31 @ 21:21:04 CST
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Dating Tips: 7 crucial characteristics of lasting love

All about LoveFirst comes that split second of physical attraction. Next that thrilling feeling of chemistry. But when the veil of romance starts to lift, what’'s life really like off the dance floor?
  
Posted by    on Saturday, May 01 @ 09:08:46 CDT
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Dating Tips: 40+ and single: Odd?

All about LoveIt’s an interesting and decidedly loaded question: Are you normal?

Whether you’re divorced, widowed or a lifelong single, if you’ve seen your fortieth birthday come and go and there’s no permanent romantic fixture in your life, the question inevitably plagues you. And harsh as it may sound, it masks a much more brutally undiplomatic question: What’s wrong with you?
  
Posted by    on Saturday, May 01 @ 09:03:09 CDT
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Dating Tips: Busting the Top 10 online dating myths

All about LoveStop hinging your hesitancy on hearsay. The most common myths of online dating are just that — myths. In fact, we've compiled a list of the top 10 excuses former fraidy cats used to keep themselves from finding quality friends and making refreshingly fun dates. Do any sound familiar to you?
  
Posted by    on Saturday, May 01 @ 09:00:32 CDT
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Dating Tips: If This Is A Dream Let Me Sleep Forever!

All about LoveHi first off I want to say to all those who do not believe on-line love is real listen to my story and you will see it CAN and HAS happened. Ok here goes..... About 4 months ago I was chatting with this one guy in and IM (Instant Message) Anyway, this guy asked me about my profile which under marital status said: Taking Applications. This guy asked me for an application so I thought hey why not. I told him to hold on and I went to my e-mail and made an application to date me. Questions like... Age... ideal date... first thing you see in a woman...etc.
  
Posted by    on Sunday, November 16 @ 16:04:13 CST
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Dating Tips: Fairy Tales Do Come True

All about LoveOne night I was online and went in chat room to talk to a few friends. I started to talk to a guy and was interested in just chatting to him. We made a date to talk online at 6pm my time and 3pm his time. Days of chatting together went by, and I gave him my phone number and asked him for his. By then we became good friends and talked every night after work. I would wait for him to come on the buddy list, and when he did I would get so nervous and could not wait until the instant message came. I finally called him even though he said he was not ready for me to call because he was shy. He got over the shyness and started calling me all the time. I would be his alarm clock and call him up for work and wake him with my voice. When I came home from work, Shane would be on his lunch break and would come home to talk to me online during his lunch. He also sent me candy by overnight mail. I knew then that we both knew we were becoming more then just friends. It was love we were feeling, and we had not even met yet!
  
Posted by    on Sunday, November 16 @ 16:03:02 CST
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Dating Tips: My Hero

All about LoveI know we have all heard stories of Internet romance, and I a skeptic for so long, now must call myself a hypocrite! Why do you ask? Let me explain


As a single mom of four daughters, I don’t get out too often as you can imagine, so one evening I was online and decided to try chatting. There are so many creeps out there so I was a bit nervous. I happened to find a man who seemed pretty nice, but still I was very skeptical. Right away we seemed to hit it off. We had much in common. He had four children as well. It was, or seemed to be amazing.
  
Posted by    on Sunday, November 16 @ 16:01:39 CST
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Dating Tips: Don't Give Up Hope

All about LoveI am a 28 yr old divorced female. Although, I have been divorced for 6 years, my dating life has been a nightmare. I was meeting guys in all types of ways, and have had a lot of heartache. I have often wondered if I was ever going to find anyone again. My past relationships have been both verbally & physically abusive. I had just about given up, when I was stumbling through the personal ads online, and came across an ad from a guy that lived 10 minutes away from me. His photo & ad caught my eye, so I decided to give him a try. After exchanging a few emails, he called me and we met and went out. I have come to find out, our fathers' have known each other for over 10 years, and we have been crossing paths for sometime now. He is the sweetest, most romantic guy I have ever known, from opening my car door, to bringing me roses. We are now inseparable. For anyone out there who is thinking about giving up on meeting their special someone... good things come to those who wait!
  
Posted by    on Sunday, November 16 @ 15:59:40 CST
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Dating Tips: An Online Love

All about LoveI was in a chat room, as most online romances happen. I had been on the Internet and chatting for almost three years. I was bored one afternoon, so I decided to go into a chat room. I had been in this particular room many times before, and met some very interesting people in it. While I was in there, I noticed two guys talking. One was married and had kids, and the other was asking questions like what is was like to be a father, etc. I was most interested in him, he sounded so sweet. So I decided to start chatting with him. We didn't get to chat long, because of the 6-hour time difference, but it was a wonderful chat. He was a few years older than me, but I figured age didn't matter if we have a good chat.

We got to talking about many things, mostly music though. Before he had to leave he gave me his e-mail address and I gave him my AOL Instant Messenger screen name. A few days later while I was online someone IM’d me, and it was him. He told me who it was and we started chatting. Like most people, we had many things in common. We had similar views on life, etc.

After many more conversations, I realized I was really starting to like this guy. I had promised myself before that it's just not right for people over the Internet to be "in love," and that I'd never do such a thing. It just didn't seem right to me. Since, I thought, you never knew whom you are really talking to. Well, my opinions started to change, very quickly too.

Weeks later our relationship really started to get serious. I almost felt ashamed at first, because it was on the Internet, but I don't worry about it now. All I have to say is that I have never loved someone so much before. Whoever says you can't love online, obviously hasn't.
  
Posted by    on Sunday, November 16 @ 15:58:55 CST
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Dating Tips: Friendship will last a lifetime

All about LoveI have a best friend. one whom women swoon over and one whom women fantasize about (he gets calls from women asking him to be with them!) because he's handsome, he's intelligent and I don't know what else.
  
Posted by    on Tuesday, November 04 @ 10:58:57 CST
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Dating Tips:

All about Love Astorytoshare collects and displays peoples true stories anonymously submitted through the internet, true stories of heartache and love from people all over the world, people from all walks of life, people who have an experience to share, with the hope that readers can gain support, guidance and happiness from the experiences of others.
  
Posted by    on Tuesday, November 04 @ 10:42:40 CST
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Dating Tips: Explorations in Weird Sex

All about LoveOne of the best ways to determine just how wild we can all be in fulfilling our sexual desires (and how ridicuolously repressed we can be at other times), is to take a look at laws on sexuality which civilizations have come up with thru the centuries. And the crazy thing is that you know much of this would never have made it on the books unless someone had tried it somewhere.
  
Posted by    on Thursday, October 02 @ 18:58:52 CDT
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Dating Tips: Crossword Puzzle Approach to Pick Up Women

All about LoveI've read elsewhere about the technique of reading a book in bars to make women approach the guy first. I've tried it, and it works to some extent. I do get like one girl a night to ask me what I'm reading. But it doesn't seem to generate romantic interest.

Do you have any suggestions on how to use this technique to its ultimate potential (if you think its a worthwhile technique of course), and how to generate romance once approached?
  
Posted by    on Thursday, October 02 @ 18:57:47 CDT
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Dating Tips: The History of Seduction

All about LoveThousands of years ago, power was mostly gained through physical violence and maintained with brute strength. There was little need for subtlety-a king or emperor had to be merciless. Only a select few had power, but no one suffered under this scheme of things more than women. They had no way to compete, no weapon at their disposal that could make a man do what they wanted-politically, socially, or even in the home.
  
Posted by    on Thursday, October 02 @ 18:54:01 CDT
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Dating Tips: 10 Ways to Heat Up a Cool Relationship

All about LoveFlirt with each other In her book Hot Sex, Australian sex expert Tracey Cox says that flirting is a definite turn-on. "Flirting sends natural amphetamines and endorphins surging through the body,
  
Posted by    on Thursday, October 02 @ 18:48:37 CDT
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Dating Tips: Online Personals: Lie or Tell the Truth?

All about LoveOnline sex has taken on a new meaning... The internet has enabled tens of millions of people from all parts of the world who would have never met otherwise to now meet specifically for sex and/or romance. This is biggest felt in North America.
  
Posted by    on Thursday, October 02 @ 18:46:33 CDT
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Dating Tips: Are you making any of the 12 Dating Mistakes?

All about LoveLove is like to fly a plane. Doesn't allow much mistakes. Why? To start off, the best dating advice I can give is to avoid these common dating mistakes. Dating somebody is investing hours, days, months, maybe years of your life. Any investment needs a positive return on investment to be successful. It's like business
  
Posted by    on Thursday, October 02 @ 18:24:39 CDT
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