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| : Who's The Boss? |  |
 KinkeyKitten writes "Who's The Boss?
"I should be in charge" said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge, " said the stomach, "because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge" said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge" said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge, "said the rectum, "because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic.
They all decided that the rectum s! hould be the boss.
The Moral of the story?
The asshole is usually in charge.
"
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Posted by on Sunday, October 26 @ Eastern Standard Time
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| : You know you're living in 2003 when: | |
 KinkeyKitten writes "You know you're living in 2003 when:
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail your friend who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they
do not have e-mail addresses.
6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the
phone in a business manner.
7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9"
to get an outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for
three different companies.
10. You learn about your lay-off on the 10 o'clock news.
11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to
get long-service awards.
and the real clinchers are...
13. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
14. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your
"friends".
15. You got this e-mail from a friend that never talks to you any
more, except to send you jokes from the net.
16. You are too busy to notice there was no No. 9.
17. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a
No.9.
"
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Posted by on Sunday, October 26 @ Eastern Standard Time
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| : An escaped convict | |
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it!"
"Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me that he thinks you're really cute!"
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Posted by on Thursday, October 02 @ Eastern Daylight Time
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| : Rodney Dangerfield's Best One-Liners: | |
1. I was so poor growing up .. if I wasn't a boy ... I'd have had nothing to play with.
2. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home. "I went over. Nobody was home.
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Posted by on Thursday, October 02 @ Eastern Daylight Time
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| : who makes the best patients | |
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to
operate on.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my
operating table, because when you open them up, everything
inside is numbered,"
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians.
Everything inside them is color-coded,"
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction
workers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon, Dr. Morris Fishbein, shuts them all
up when he observes: "The French are the easiest to operate
on. There are no guts, no heart, no balls and no spine. Plus
the head and ass are interchangeable."
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Posted by on Thursday, October 02 @ Eastern Daylight Time
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| : All Alone | |
 That particular night I planned to just sit back and
relax. I had a bottle of wine and it was warm enough I could
have left all my clothes off if I wished. I ended up in an old
t-shirt. I might as well have been naked though, because when I
sat down in my easy chair and lay one leg over the arm, my shirt
pulled up almost to my waist, exposing everything it should have
covered. Little did I expect that by the end of the night the
shirt would not be all I would take off.
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Posted by on Thursday, October 02 @ Eastern Daylight Time
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| : A Health Warning | |
A stock clerk was sent to clean up a storeroom in Maui, Hawaii. When he got back, he was complaining that the storeroom was really filthy and that he had noticed dried mouse or rat droppings in some areas.
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Posted by on Thursday, October 02 @ Eastern Daylight Time
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