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| Dating Tips: Baffled by body language? |  |
 Psst… want the inside scoop on how to suss out if someone has a crush on you, breed some feel-good vibes on a date, or even figure out whether that cute person sitting across from you is dying for a kiss? Believe it or not, the answers to all these questions and more can be found in the mysterious science of body language.
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Posted by on Tuesday, March 18 @ Central Daylight Time
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| Dating Tips: How to meet and marry a billionaire | |
 Real money. As in not a mere millionaire (a dime a dozen these days) but an honest-to-goodness billionaire - make that 10 figures after the dollar sign, please.
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Posted by on Saturday, July 07 @ Central Daylight Time
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| Dating Tips: Is he only interested in sex? | |
The guy you just met is a real catch: Smart, funny, handsome… and totally available! You really like him, and based on all the sweet things he tells you, you’re pretty sure he likes you, too. Still, it’s no secret that some of us guys, at certain points in our lives, are more interested in seeing you naked than getting to know you. That’s fine if you feel the same way, but if it’s a relationship you want, you’re better off arming yourself with some dead-on detection skills. At the risk of foiling many a cad’s attempts to love ’em and leave ’em, I’ve spilled some of their most telltale tactics below. Spot these behaviors, and alarm bells should go off—and you may want to consider moving on to a guy who’s more interested in sticking around.
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Posted by on Saturday, May 26 @ Central Daylight Time
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| Dating Tips: Dating & Mating Rituals…Decoded | |
When it comes to flirting in the hopes of finding The One, what works? The direct approach, “Hey, I couldn’t help but notice your beautiful eyes?” Subtle glances? Playing hard to get? These were among my questions as I headed out on a field trip with Dr. Helen Fisher, a professor of anthropology at Rutgers University, and the author of Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. Dr. Fisher has devoted her career to understanding human mating rituals—and her knowledge applies perfectly, she says, to today’s pickup scene. “Even in this modern age, humans adhere to courtship strategies that are as old as the hills, and used throughout the animal kingdom,” adds Fisher. And that’s why she and I headed out for a night of café- and bar-hopping, to observe what works (and what doesn’t) when it comes to mingling and the human mating call. Six hours, two coffee shops, and one (or was it two?) bars later, we had some interesting findings. Come along with us as we make the rounds—and learn!
Destination #1: The classic coffee bar for flirting how-to’s
Our first stop: Starbucks. To me, the woman in the green shirt is sipping a cappuccino and catching up with friends. But in Helen Fisher’s eyes, something much more primordial is happening: The woman in green is on the hunt, and has already staked out her quarry—a tall man in a blue-checkered button-down sitting next to her.
“See how her body’s twisted toward him in the ‘crouch’ position, with her hands near her face when she laughs?” Fisher whispers to me as she sips her chai latte. “It’s the ‘broken wing’ tactic. She’s sending a subtle signal his way that says, ‘protect me.’ Men love that.”
Indeed, Fisher says that secret signals of sexual attraction are at work whenever people mingle. The way you sit down with your cappuccino or Corona begins the courtship dance. “The first thing all animals do when attempting to find a mate is to set up their territory,” says Fisher. People who place laptops on their table or their coat and bags on a chair next to them, she explains, are attempting to carve out a perimeter so they can proceed to the next stage of courtship: attracting attention.
“Notice how that guy’s stirring his drink with his entire arm?” Fisher points out. “He’d never bother to do that at home.” The man then casually stretches his arms back in a gesture Fisher calls the ‘chest thrust,’ to appear as large and formidable as possible. “Pretty much all courtship postures fall into two categories: attempts to look big and attempts to look little,” she explains. Traditionally, men generally try to look big, or ‘loom,’ while women try to look small, or ‘crouch.’ The direction someone’s feet are pointing can also convey interest: Smitten women turn pigeon-toed; men pivot outward. “Feet can be a real giveaway,” says Helen. “People are quite conscious of their body and hands, but forget to control their feet.”
So, how do hopeful singles transition from a ‘loom’ or ‘crouch’ to an actual pounce? For women, Fisher suggests trying the tried-and-true ‘five-part flirt.’ “You catch someone’s eye, cock your head to the side, raise your eyebrows, look down, then away,” she explains, adding that women are usually more socially adept than men and thus better at initiating courtship. But at some point, she observes, a transfer must happen: In other words, the man has to pick up the ball and make his move.
Destination #2: A quirkier coffee bar for connection lessons
Dr. Fisher and I decide to move along to a coffee bar with more of a lounge-around atmosphere. Here, we observed some more mating rituals: “See those two girls over there? I think they want to be picked up,” Dr. Fisher says, nodding toward two bubbly twenty-somethings in cool, dressed-down clothes and knit caps, who are sitting in the corner of Grey Dog’s Coffee. While hardly dressed to impress, the two young women are nonetheless employing a different courtship strategy called “handicapping.” “They’re saying, ‘I’m so cool I don’t have to show off,’” Dr. Fisher explains.
While four men seated nearby can’t help but notice the two giggly girls, no one works up the guts to break the ice, and their reluctance is understandable: After all, what can you say to a complete stranger that won’t come off as corny? Fisher suggests trying questions (“Excuse me, do you know a good place around here to grab dinner?”) and compliments (“That’s a great laptop case. Where’d you get it?”) since both require a response and get you engaged in the next stage of courtship: ‘grooming talk.’ “It’s called ‘grooming talk’ because it really doesn’t matter what you say,” Fisher says simply. “If someone’s interested in you, they’ll keep talking.”
As the conversation heats up, a behavior called “mirroring” can kick in, says Dr. Fisher, furthering the connection. When mirroring, couples sip their coffee or cross their legs in unison, subtly mimicking each other’s movements. “It’s a very powerful way to develop rapport, since it actually helps your brain waves get in synch,” Dr. Fisher explains.
Singles should also keep an eye out for ‘intention gestures.’ “Basically that means the other person wants to touch you, but since she's not sure if you’re receptive, she'll rub her own arm or leg,” says Fisher.
We notice a couple in the corner, plying one another with forkfuls of cake. This is more mating in action, says Dr. Fisher. To further forge a bond, couples may engage in ‘courtship feeding’—each offering the other a sip of tea or a bite of his or her food. “Nuptial gifts of food are common among many animal species,” Dr. Fisher notes. “When a male chimpanzee offers a female a piece of sugar cane, she’ll copulate with him and then eat the sugar cane. Humans don’t move that quickly, but we all know there’s no such thing as a free lunch!”
While both men and women respond similarly to many courtship cues, one area where they’re wired very differently is eye contact. To prove her point, Fisher gestures towards a man who’s moved his chair so he can sit next to a woman rather than across from her. “That’s because while women gain intimacy from face-to-face interactions, men would rather avoid it—they find it uncomfortable, even invasive,” she explains. The reason for this dates back to the dawn of mankind, when males were forced to face their enemies, but sat side by side with their friends. It’s also why, these days, men love nothing more than sitting at a bar with their buddies watching the Rams vs. the Redskins, while women love nothing more than staring into their amour’s eyes over a candlelit dinner. “When couples fight over these types of differences, they’re also fighting millions of years of evolution,” Dr. Fisher explains. “Men and women are fundamentally different in many ways, and nothing’s going to change that overnight.”
Destination #3: A busy bar on Friday night for the laws of mating
We decide to see how the courtship dance looks when in a more ‘intense’ pick-up environment—a bar called Peep. As we sit down, Dr. Fisher points out that clearly, the couple sitting next to us is in love. They’re mirroring each other’s movements, ‘courtship feeding’ off each other’s cocktails, and displaying other tell-tale signs of a honeymoon period. Even so, their mating dance is far from over, says Dr. Fisher. At this point, keeping the person they’ve got, or ‘mate guarding,’ becomes a priority, and this pair illustrates this principal perfectly. “Now, normally the man would offer the woman the seat against the wall to signal he’s protecting her,” says Dr. Fisher. “But in this case, he’s in the back seat and she’s sitting facing him with her back to the room. It could be due to what she’s wearing.” The clothes in question? A camisole with a plunging neckline that, had the woman been seated facing the crowd, would have probably had every guy in the vicinity eyeing her. “By dressing that way, she’s asking to be mate guarded,” Dr. Fisher explains. “And maybe that’s why he took the back seat: so she attracts less attention.” Such displays of possessiveness are hardly unnecessary or “Neanderthal,” as some people might put it. One recent study found that 60 percent of men and 53 percent of women admitted to ‘mate poaching,’ a practice of stealing partners who are already taken. While it’s distressing to think that someone we love could be so easily ensnared by new prospects, Dr. Fisher points out that a little competition also pushes us to become more caring, attentive, and in short, better mates.
In fact, as we look across the bar, we see this principle in action: A woman in a slinky tank top, jeans, and stilettos who’s flirting with two men. “She’s giving them equal attention,” Dr. Fisher notes. “Since she obviously hasn’t made up her mind which one she likes, both of those men are working really hard.” We head home before finding out which man, if either, wins in the end. But it gets me wondering: Does courtship really boil down to winners and losers? Is the game of love really that cutthroat rather than warm and fuzzy? “The game of love is not nice,” Dr. Fisher says, “but then again, you’re playing for the biggest stakes in town. Nothing is so important.” And after listening to Dr. Fisher call the play-by-play on our night out on the town, I feel like my skills are definitely ready for the high-stakes game of romance.
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Posted by on Tuesday, April 03 @ Central Daylight Time
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| Dating Tips: First Dates: Dos and Don’ts To Create Chemistry | |
Tonight is the night: You’ve dressed in your finest, popped a breath mint, and are headed off to meet someone who could be The One. Few moments are as pivotal as this initial rendezvous, and that holds true whether you met online, were set up through friends, or swapped numbers at a bar last Saturday. So: How do you get that all-necessary chemistry crackling between you as quickly as possible? Believe it or not, it’s not all up to fate. Anthropologists, body language experts, and other pros say there are plenty of strategies you can use to help your date relax, to build rapport, and even to instill a flutter of excitement. Try these tactics for a few instant sparks.
Tip #1: Plan an activity that’ll get your heart racing—literally
There’s a reason scary movies make for great dates other than the excuse to squeeze someone’s hand: Frightening experiences get your pulse racing, adrenaline flowing, your face flushed—and these physiological responses bear a striking resemblance to sexual arousal. "The mind mistakes any sort of arousal for sexual attraction, and will attribute this excitement to whomever you're with," says David Givens, Ph.D., an anthropologist at the Center for Nonverbal Studies. “In fact, in one study where men met women on a bridge high above rushing water, subjects were more attracted to each other than those who met elsewhere.” Not that we’re recommending you meet there exactly—roller-coaster rides or a hike up a steep woodland trail should do the trick. Even the sweat you work up while eating spicy food can get you hot under the collar for each other, so consider suggesting Mexican or Thai for dinner.
Tip #2: Mirror, mirror…your date
Want to convince the person sitting across from you that you two are totally on the same wavelength? Easy—just make a point of subtly mimicking their body position and the pacing of their movements, recommends Jay Arthur, author of Attracting Romance. "Sit the way your date is sitting, tilt your head the way he or she does, talk at the same speeds,” he suggests. On a subconscious level, people find similarity comforting, which paves the way for a stronger connection.
Tip #3: Dwell on pleasurable experiences
Sure, engaging your date in a lively debate about the pros and cons of the Patriot Act may be intellectually stimulating, but an intimate conversation isn’t about impressing someone with your smarts: It’s about getting your date to tap into his or her sensual side. So, steer clear of topics that involve facts and figures and get your honey mulling over more pleasurable thoughts instead. Questions like “Do you have any summertime vacations planned?” or “What would you say is the best meal you’ve ever had in this neighborhood?” will easily get you both in a better frame of mind to bond. "Talking about awe-inspiring experiences and the attached emotions — seeing the Grand Canyon, for instance — lets you relive them," explains Givens. “People get hyped up talking about something that excites them, and that emotion gets transferred to the person they’re with.”
Tip #4: Master your eye movements
Staring into someone’s eyes: It’s the oldest rule in the book. It indicates that you're confident, honest, and interested in this person—all of which can make a date’s heart skip a beat. And yet, it can be hard for daters to do this move with finesse. Don’t worry, no one’s asking you to engage in a staring contest. In the world of eye contact, less is more. "Don't immediately look away when feeling awkward,” says Laurie Puhn, J.D., author of Instant Persuasion: How to Change Your Words to Change Your Life. “Hold your date's gaze for one extra second—that's all you need to do.” If you’re having trouble, try shifting your attention to their eyebrows instead; it’s close enough that your date will still feel like you’re focused on him or her. Next, try this advanced technique: Let your gaze occasionally “dance” from one of your date’s eyes to the other, back and forth, which conveys excitement and creates a flirtatious mood.
Tip #5: Don't feel compelled to get touchy-feely
Eventually, if all goes well, physical contact—hand-holding, hugging, kissing, and much racier stuff—will naturally happen and will cement a bond between you. But at this early stage, all too often it can backfire. If your date isn’t ready for contact yet—either stiffening when you move in or turning the dreaded cheek when you go for a kiss—it can be hard to recover your composure and the date’s good vibes. The key is to let your date know you’re “in like” but not push too hard on the physical front. Your best bet for your first encounter is something sweet but not gropey. If a handshake’s your style, put a cozy twist on it by clasping your date’s palm in one hand and putting your other hand on top, warmly encircling their wrist. Or, try a seamless handshake-to-hug combo by grasping your date’s hand, pulling him or her slightly toward you and encircling your other arm around your date’s torso. To further cut the tension, say something like, “I had such a great time and am so glad we did this.” And unless you’re getting clear signs your date’s dying to be kissed—as in, he or she remains in your personal space with a smile and lots of direct eye contact—resist the urge to plant one on the lips or even the cheek. Don’t worry, there will be plenty of time for that later. And hey, you’re always better off leaving your date with something to look forward to.
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Posted by on Tuesday, April 03 @ Central Daylight Time
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| Dating Tips: 7 ways to woo her by email | |
 OnlineLove writes "You've spotted her. Only this time, it's not from across the room — it's from in front of your keyboard. You may have found Ms. Right online. "
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Posted by on Sunday, January 02 @ Central Standard Time
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| Dating Tips: 11 things women want to see in your profile | |
OnlinrLove writes "Let's face facts, guys: When it comes to knowing what women want, a good-sized percentage of the time, we're pretty dense. But when it comes to online dating, our density levels enter the red zone — mainly because we have no idea how our material is going over. We have no visual or audio clues. We don't know if the words we wrote are making her laugh or groan. "
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Posted by on Sunday, January 02 @ Central Standard Time
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| Dating Tips: Sending flowers to a man? | |
 Lullaby writes "One of the biggest concerns that a woman has when choosing a gift for a man is how he would react to receiving flowers. Men love flowers! It may come as a surprise that in a recent survey conducted by the Society of American Florists, over 60% of men surveyed said that they would like to receive flowers on Valentines Day. This hardly seems shocking when you think about the reason behind this occurrence -- men like to receive flowers for the same reason that they send them…to be recognized. "
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Posted by on Saturday, January 01 @ Central Standard Time
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| Dating Tips: Flirting Tips | |
Lullaby writes "Women are so much more subtle about flirting clues that men need to really pay attention. Ladies, men are not used to women flirting with them. An overwhelming majority of men said they would just love it if a woman would talk to them first or at least express a larger clue that you were interested in checking them out.
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Posted by on Saturday, January 01 @ Central Standard Time
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| Dating Tips: The Six Secrets of Attaining Romance | |
Lullaby writes "Men and women are positioned against one another in the battle for more fulfilling relationships; today they are being urged to consider that romantically they are setting themselves up for failure. By holding unrealistic expectations and believing fabrications told to them by pop culture, men and women are paralyzed in their pursuit for romance. At Authentic Messages, a message in a bottle company, we are continually searching for new ways to mobilize people towards a more romantic life.
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Posted by on Saturday, January 01 @ Central Standard Time
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| Dating Tips: Male Enhancement FAQs | |
Lullaby writes "Male enhancement pills are supplements designed to improve every aspect of a man's sexual function, performance and enjoyment. Most are natural herbal formulas that work to increase erection effectiveness and staying power, improve sexual health, reduce premature ejaculation, increase orgasm power, reduce recovery time, boost libido and restore youthful hormonal levels."
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Posted by on Saturday, January 01 @ Central Standard Time
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| Dating Tips: Seduce and Date Stunning Looking Women | |
Lullaby writes "Have you ever found yourself in a bar or club, taking a quiet moment to reflect upon why that average looking guy who just walked through the door has a stunning looking woman on his arm?
Does that in any way… get on your nerves, annoy or even anger you?
What is it about that guy… he's not rich and he's no Brad Pitt, so how come he has this gorgeous woman all over him?
Listen up, cause I'm gonna tell you. This guy has three distinct characteristics that magnetically attract women… gorgeous women… like a moth to a flame.
So let's break these characteristics down into these three pieces and examine them.
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Posted by on Saturday, January 01 @ Central Standard Time
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| Dating Tips: The American Woman Brainwashed? | |
Lullaby writes "One thing I've noticed since I've started using your System is that most women would rather be right than happy. I work in a small office with a lot of married women. My social life often comes up as a topic of discussion because I go on a lot of dates (still looking for the girl with the right attitude). It’s interesting how the women I work with have developed a "How dare he!" attitude towards me whenever I use a method I learned from you.
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Posted by on Saturday, January 01 @ Central Standard Time
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| Dating Tips: Ladies: 5 Top Tips for Online Dating | |
Lullaby writes "I hate to admit it, but after my divorce my dating skills were rusty. I didn’t have a clue where to meet sincere, accomplished men or how to behave once I did.
In my sheltered condition, I couldn’t distinguish between an eagle scout who wanted to bring me chicken soup and a convict whose smiling mug was featured on the FBI’s top ten list. What to do? A friend tipped me off that quality singles were as close as my computer. Then I scurried off to the local bookstore and stocked up on how-to tips from the dating gurus.
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Posted by on Saturday, January 01 @ Central Standard Time
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| Dating Tips: Poll Reveals Rudeness Causes & Effect | |
 Lullaby writes "SOUTHLAKE, Texas, Dec. 11, 2003: 'Tis the season of merriment, unless you're traveling next to a loud talker or an incessant cell-phone chatterer, says a new Travelocity poll on the state of rude behavior amongst travelers. This survey of more than 1,000 travelers was conceived by Public Agenda, a nonprofit public opinion research organization which conducted a major national study of rudeness in America that was supported by the Pew Charitable Trusts.
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Posted by on Saturday, January 01 @ Central Standard Time
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| Dating Tips: Thinking about committing adultery? | |
Lullaby writes "There are no positive reasons for dating a married man. Even the good reasons don't stand the test of time and turn out to be bad ideas in good ideas' clothing. If you find yourself on the brink of temptation, look at these 10 truths before you leap:"
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Posted by on Saturday, January 01 @ Central Standard Time
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| Dating Tips: Surviving the emotional crash of an affair | |
Lullaby writes "In the book, After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful, Janis Abrahms Spring says: "Trust can be restored and the relationship saved if three things exist:"
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Posted by on Saturday, January 01 @ Central Standard Time
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| Dating Tips: Are You in a Loving Relationship | |
LoveMagic writes "People confuse excitement with love, falling in love with being in love, being in love with experiencing love, desiring love and being loving, being loving and having love. None of these pairs are equations - in other words, you can have excitement without love and you can fall in love without ever being in love. "
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Posted by on Saturday, January 01 @ Central Standard Time
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| Dating Tips: How Do I Get Him to Propose? | |
LoveMagic writes "This is the third time I’ve found myself in a long-term relationship with a wonderful guy who loves living with me, says he loves me, but won’t agree to marriage. He keeps saying he needs more time; it’ll soon be 2 years. How can I get him to make the leap? "
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Posted by on Saturday, January 01 @ Central Standard Time
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| Dating Tips: Inter-Faith Relationship: | |
I am Muslim and the guy I love is a Christian and a very religious one. Our love started out as friendship and then became LOVE. I know I love him more than he loves me and I am ever ready to do anything for him. We want to marry and we both can't live without each other. We have made all sorts of plans about the future and I know if I couldn't marry him I will forever stay single... the problem is: when we decided to marry, the problem of religion arose and I am unable to change mine.
He said he would 5 months ago, but yesterday he said he couldn't carry on with the guilt of the lie that he had accepted Islam. He said he lied to me just to save his love... now he says, "we can stay in our own religions and will marry". Today he changed his statement and said "living in our own religions will be too darn difficult, coz it will badly hurt our children."
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Posted by on Saturday, January 01 @ Central Standard Time
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| Dating Tips: Workplace Romance | |
Let me first explain my situation which is quite unique...I have been married for quite a few years and my husband has in no uncertain terms, and over the course of our marriage, hinted that he is gay (I had had the feeling that was the case from the time we first met-although he has never been with another man and has never officially come ""out of the closet""). We do have children and that is the main reason I stay in the relationship. We do care for each other very much, but since about 3 years ago, it has been a celibate relationship.
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Posted by on Saturday, January 01 @ Central Standard Time
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| Dating Tips: Long Distance Relationships | |
I
really, we would all meet our future spouses, live in the same town, date for about a year and get married in two and never be separated again, ideally. I have friends who've done this successfully and then there are people like me. The best laid plans? Reality somehow interferes with. The easy way everyone else seems be blessed with, my road will traverse the toughest. Currently I am in a three-and-a-half year relationship; for the past twenty months, it has been long distance with me in Oregon and he in Southern California and Paul and I are not alone.
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Posted by on Saturday, January 01 @ Central Standard Time
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| Dating Tips: 29 Red Flags That May Suggest a Cheater | |
LoveMagic writes "Here are a few things that often point a finger to a cheater. While it is true that some of the following red flags may be sure-fire indicators, I've used the words "may suggest a cheater" because it may be wise to give your partner the benefit of the doubt when suspicions arise.
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Posted by on Saturday, January 01 @ Central Standard Time
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| Dating Tips: The 10 Most Mistakes Singles Make | |
LoveMagic writes "Dating? Wondering why you never seem to make a go at a long-term relationship or the dating pool resembles a parched wasteland with no viable thirst quenchers in sight?
"
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Posted by on Saturday, January 01 @ Central Standard Time
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| Dating Tips: Making Love: Making it Great... | |
LoveMagic writes "Great sex is an active ingredient in all healthy love relationships. Sex is fun and pleasure is good for us. Making love is surrendering to a higher form of energy than any one love partner can experience alone. Making love is two love partners experiencing their oneness with each other. "
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Posted by on Saturday, January 01 @ Central Standard Time
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| Dating Tips: Attracted to the wrong person? | |
LoveMagic writes "24 November 2004: A couple of weeks ago a new girl moved into the block of flats where I live and I fell in love with her at first sight (normally I have to get to know someone first). Without going out of my way I see her irregularly, maybe once a week on average.
The other day I impulsively went round to call her, introducing myself as a 'good neighbour' type. Her reaction to me is friendly/polite/wary/open. I have not spoken to her in the last 4 days as I don't want to 'crowd' her, although I think about her 24/7. I don't want to ask her out, because I'm ( I estimate) 20 years her senior, and its just too wierd. "
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Posted by on Saturday, January 01 @ Central Standard Time
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| Dating Tips: I can't tell my boyfriend I'm still a virgin | |
LoveMagic writes "24 November 2004: Dear Sir or Madam:
I am in my early twenties and have just started seeing oneone and I really like him. However I have not had any experience in the bedroom dept as I have not yet met the right person but am ashamed to tell him. Will he be able to tell im a virgin, I honestly cant bring myself to tell him this. What do you think I should do. I feel like im hiding this terrible secret from him .
Hope you can reply, "
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Posted by on Saturday, January 01 @ Central Standard Time
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